Hi, Mukti.

This news needs another edit from you:


There were three mistakes in the headline itself. Kindly edit the headline and inform the erring writer too. News headlines are mostly written in historical present tense. Here’s some more information for you and your writers: http://cosmoswriters.in/writing-news-headlines/.

Also, instead of a semi colon, a colon was needed in the headline.

Then, it should have been Blackberrys in the headline. Or Blackberry smartphones.

The final headline should have been “RIM unveils thinnest and most powerful Blackberrys: Bold 9900, 9930” or “RIM unveils thinnest and most powerful Blackberry smartphones: Bold 9900, 9930”

Then, there were issues throughout the news.

…ever increasing empire of Apple and Google…

Should be empires, unless Apple and Google work as partners.

According to RIM, these are the thinnest and most powerful Blackberry till date
Should be ‘Blackberrys’

In the software department RIM has made a huge improvements too

The mistake is obvious; you just need to edit closely

Bold 9900 and 9930 come with a powerful 1230mAh battery that gives it enough power for multitasking over a long period of time.

Kindly match the pronouns with the nouns they refer to. In the sentence above, pronoun ‘it’ (gives it enough power) refers to two nouns: Bold 9900 and 9930. So we need a plural pronoun: them. …gives them enough power.…

The phones come with inbuilt 8 GB memory which can get expanded up to 32 GB. 

Comma after ‘which’ required.

Preposition missing.

Edited sentence becomes: The phones come with inbuilt 8GB memory, which can be expanded to up to 32GB.

There were other such issues scattered throughout the article, but I’ll stop here.

A bit more time consumption in editing is required, Sumit.

Kindly also ask the writer to give you cleaner copies in future.