Divya’s writing style can be difficult on readers. You need to edit her copies closely for readability and style. Her style is very stale and is full of clichés that don’t even fit.
Here’s just one sentence to clarify how we edit a copy for style:
This Salman and Asin starrer promises to be a mixed bag of fun, comedy, family drama and romance that is promised to be a breath of fresh air and is sure to make you to smile even after you’ve left the theatre.
There are so many mistakes in this sentence, I feel like a mosquito in a nudist camp; so much to bite.
This should have been edited: make you to.
Then, she is doing one too many promises.
Next, coming to the style edit, the sentence is too long for the readers’ comfort. Three ideas, all in one sentence, without any idea being subordinated to another, make this a particularly heavy sentence. Three ideas are:
- This Salman and Asin starrer promises to be a mixed bag of fun, comedy, family drama and romance
- It is promised to be a breath of fresh air
- It is sure to make you to smile even after you’ve left the theatre.
Divya needed to cut it short or make two sentences out of it. Or she should have subordinated one idea, like I did below. I would have written something like this (if I was to keep her ideas and meaning intact, which I would not; I would use a better idea here):
A mixed bag of comedy, family drama, and romance, this Salman and Asin-starrer is sure to make you smile even after you’ve left the theatre.
I cut the phrase “promises to be a breath of fresh air”. The reason?
First, there’s something wrong with the idea. “A mixed bag of fun, comedy, family drama, and romance” is not a breath of fresh air for the Bollywood audiences. Bollywood is awash with such masala flicks. If anything, it’s a breath of stale and stinky air. Kindly ask Divya to take some other positive idea from the film to call it a “breath of fresh air”.
Second, the phrase was such a cliché. The phrase has been beaten too many times now and has lost its appeal. The first time someone used “a breath of fresh air”, it was clever and refreshing for the readers, indeed; they could have even smelt the fresh air. But now that it’s become such a cliché, it has lost its significance. So, kindly eschew clichés like “breath of fresh air” and also ask your writers to go easy on them.
There was another cliché in this sentence: make you smile.
The rest of the piece was equally stale and full of clichés.